"The mind of man plans his way, but the Lord directs his paths." Prov. 16:9, NAS
I was recently complimented on being an unusually patient person. Though my initial reaction to the praise may have been something like "Why yes I am, thank you for noticing," I knew immediately that I have never earned that particular recognition. I am NOT a patient person, and any impression I may give of being so is simply my ability to mask my utter frustration with a situation. Even while appearing to be the very model of calm and collected endurance, what is going on in my mind is very likely A.) yelling, B.) panic, or C.) both.
To claim to be a "get-it-done" sort of person would be putting the the situation mildly. I like to have a plan and stick to the plan. I want to do everything possible, well in advance, to ensure that there are no interuptions or unforseen changes to the plan. I like to know exactly where I stand and have all my bases covered. The conflict occures when my personal preferences and modus operandi meet real life -- in particular, real life according to God's timeline. Rarely do they agree.
"'For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways My ways.' declares the Lord." Isaiah 55:8
Not once in my life have things actually worked out the way I planned, yet for some reason I keep expecting them to. I am, therefore, forced to re-learn the same lesson over and over again, and this particular time in my life is no exception. It's the same struggle every single time, and it comes down to a lack of trust in my Lord's ability to do His job and to work everything out for good. When things don't happen in the way or time I would like them to, I get frustrated and go into panic mode. I should know better by now, but God remains patient with my impatience.
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight." Prov. 3:3
Well, I'm still working on it.
